Unfortunately, ‘They Live:’ Matt Reeves and Universal Studios

This news doesn’t quite get me as fueled up as recent talks of remaking The Wild Bunch, but, for the love of Moses, it’s close. John Carpenter is sacred (as is Peckinpah); that’s simply the law of the land folks. The thought of updating his once mocked, semi-straight to VHS B-movie, Sci-Fi romp is (like this sentence) a complete right-off. Why? The entertaining element of Carpenter’s film was that it was mega-campy, but also a solid flick: well adapted story, an actual performance from Piper, and quotable lines galore. I don’t see anyone, even Carps recapturing that. Now, I know Reeves wants to take it ‘in a new direction,’ but I still need to ask, why? Further, this is blasphemy: “Reeves perspective on the direction of the film seems like a cool premise that should easily be an improvement over the original”Get The Big Picture. It must be hard to get the big picture when your head is planted firmly in your own asshole(s).

Now, if anyone knows me, they know that Matt Reeves is, and forever will be, on The List (it’s like the opposite of that My Name is Earl Guy’s list and is written on stone, fawkin, tablets). Let the Right One In wasn’t enough, ya unoriginal bastard? Remake E.T. or something and see if you get away with it. Imagine! Spielberg would have your sack sir. Plus, of ALL things to ditch in the remake, they’re axing Roddy Piper’s infamous shades. Dude!? The shades made the man and the man made the movie – Hurrah for Rockin Roddy!

Universal, you may have the power, but you’ll never have this: Bubble Gum.

In closing, Universal and Matt Reeves, go fuck yourselves.

Love, Grampenstein.

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