ComingSoon’s FilmPulse Calls Classic Films Boring… Clearly Hasn’t Watched FilmPulse.

I had an idea for a show once. Just before the end of At the Movies (I mean the official end, when the show was cancelled not when it stopped being watchable, which was sometime after Richard Roeper joined Roger Ebert after the death of Gene Siskel) I was wondering why no one had tried to do a review show that skewed to the key demographic of movie audiences, namely men thirteen to forty, and then I went online and they exist a plenty…

Several websites have their own version of online review/film shows/podccasts and today we stumbled across the premiere of Coming Soon’s FilmPulse and wow… Not to rag too much on the obviously inexperienced hosts (but they are about as compelling as watching paint… well, until it peels… I mean what a couple of limp, white, small penises) but I have a feeling they are also the ‘brainchilds’ behind this so fuck them.

It’s a bold move to OPEN YOUR ENTIRE SERIES by immediately slagging every film made before 1990. I can’t rip every comment they say, because I just don’t have that much life, BUT to praise the filmmaking of the 90s and dump on that of the 70s, all in one breath, exemplifies how smugly stupid these two cine-geniuses really are… If there was one generation that most definitely directly inspired the directors of 90s Hollywood it was the New Hollywood, film school brats of the 1970s.

Morgan Spurlock does his best and that segment isn’t so nauseatingly terrible (the trailer for his film, The Greatest Movie Ever Sold, is the best part) and to his credit, the nasal loser host who sticks around asks some good questions… delivered horribly but sure, decent questions. I wonder how Harry Knowles feels about his shout-out cause this video is the epitome of Ain’t It NOT Cool News (yes, I went there). I rate this new show one out of ten even if “some people think that one is the best.” Watch at your own peril.

FilmPulse on… Ugh.

2 responses to “ComingSoon’s FilmPulse Calls Classic Films Boring… Clearly Hasn’t Watched FilmPulse.

  1. Jesus Christ… I’m sorry you had to see that Carpie. I made it until 1:33 and had to close the window. They quote Altman in their intro, and then call the 70s, Bullitt, and The French Connection BORING (???) compared to The Matrix?! That’s when I stopped… They picked two films that are known for their iconic, incredible, entertaining, cinematic orgasmatronic chase scenes! I don’t think they even sat through the whole film(s). Hackman and McQueen. Fuck me. No. Ya know what, I will watch this and then I’m going to write those… hipster… indie-rock-only… skinny jeaned … pretend fucks. Christ, would we have looked this douchie if we had done this? I don’t think I can take myself seriously unless I’m angry… Now I’m angry.

  2. Well, Carpie, I sat down to write these guys, so I came back and clicked the link… and… well… they already got torn a new one by most of North America I think. I feel as if I’ve lost my purpose. We should watch their show (maybe 3 minutes at a time…) and just take quotes from it and post them, because when you take their lines but don’t see their stone faces it’s actually pretty funny. Unintentional humor is good stuff.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s